


How to Share your Heart

by talisha_jaynee



Category: The Creatures | Cow Chop RPF
Genre: Gen, Jealous James, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, aleks may have a crush
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-12
Updated: 2018-07-16
Packaged: 2019-05-21 07:58:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14911460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/talisha_jaynee/pseuds/talisha_jaynee
Summary: It was in the small smiles. The lingering touches, the soft laughs. He was a magnet to the younger boy, by his side constantly, leaning into the younger boys frame.It just left James feel cold.





	1. Hey Boyfriends

**Author's Note:**

> i love these boys and ive been working on this for a while and trevor is like a big part of the ideas i have for this sorry!! i miss him so much

It was in the small smiles. The lingering touches, the soft laughs. He was a magnet to the younger boy, by his side constantly, leaning into the younger boys frame. It felt all too similar to James, who watched his boyfriend laugh along with another joke the young kid made. The smiles, touches, even the way his boyfriends face lit up when the younger one was in the room, they were all too similar signs to James. It was the way Aleks use to look at him. The way Aleks would light up to James’ smile, or brush their hands together. A younger version of him, with shorter hair and ink-free arms, who noticed the shy way a smaller Aleks would laugh at his jokes, or gently lean against him.  
But right now, with Trevor and an older Aleks sitting next to each other on the couch, James watching from behind the kitchen bench, he couldn’t help but feel a pang in his chest. Those looks were meant for him, not Trevor.  
“Hey boyfriends,” James yelled, toned quite harsh, “You ready over there?”  
Aleks looked back at him, slightly confused, and nodded. The younger one’s eyes just fell to the floor.  
The bowl he was holding dropped loudly onto the counter. “Finally ready to work,” He muttered as he moved towards his side of the couch, and watched Trevor scurry over to his corner. “Let’s get this shit on the road.”

They started a new gameplay, a co-op game James couldn’t even name. During the recording he had been too preoccupied with short looks over to their cameraman making sure his attention wasn’t just on the Russian.  
“James, you gotta stop fucking dying on me,” Aleks called, bringing James attention back to the game.  
“Dude,” James replied, keeping his voice light for the video, “it’s fucking hard.”  
Aleks turned to him for a moment, “It would be easier if you looked at the screen and not as Trevor the whole fucking time.”  
Shit, James thought. He could see Aleks waiting for an answer and just knew Trevor had the camera pointed right at his fucking face. “Not my fault it difficult to look away from that fucking disaster,” smiling hoping that would make Aleks chuckle.  
“Damn James,” Aleks sighed.  
James panicked, was that too far?  
Aleks looked back to the game, “You don’t have to point it out in front of the poor guy.”  
A breath was let out as James went back to try to concentrate on the game. He knew the joke would fly with the audience, imagining the comments agreeing with him and bashing on Trevor even more. But Aleks response left a small ball of guilt sitting in his stomach. An over-dramatic laugh, or another low blow to their cameraman, but no. It just left James feel cold.

Aleks saved the game before dropping his controller on the table. “That was probably a good few episodes,” he sighed, stretching his legs in front of him.  
James just hummed in response. His comment happened a couple hours ago, but it still felt like a heavy tension was in the room. The small ball of guilt had doubled in size.  
“I’ll get the SD cards into the computer,” Trevor mumbled, getting up to quickly grab the second camera and leave the room.  
As soon as the youngest man left Aleks turned to his partner. “What the fuck was that man?”  
James couldn’t look into his eyes, instead fiddled with the controller in his hand.  
“The comment before recording? Not being able to look away from Trevor? What the fuck is up?”  
He could only shrug in response to the Russian.  
Aleks sighed loudly, “look at me.” After a moment passed and James still hadn’t stopped looking at the controller, he tried again. “James, please.”  
James felt a warm hand cup his cheek before he finally looked up at his partner.  
“What’s wrong?” Aleks whispered, gently caressing his boyfriend’s cheek.  
He didn’t even know where to start, this was the wrong place to have this conversation and the boy in question was only a flight of stairs away. “Maybe later,” James answered, “Just, just not here.”  
Aleks only nodded in response, slow and understanding before dropping his hand and leaving the room.  
The stairs creaked as James heard his boyfriend climb them, leaving him alone in the room. What was wrong with him? James thought to himself, Aleks had never done anything wrong in the almost year they had been together. Why would that change now?  
Well, now Trevor worked with them. Trevor, whos laugh was contagious, had humour that matched the rest of the crew and who had the best work in the house.   
He sighed loudly, making his own way upstairs and into his shared office space. Aleks wasn’t in the room, sitting at his computer, and James didn’t have the balls to find him. He knew where the Russian was without really thinking about it. The editing room, probably bitching about James to Joe, leaning over Trevor’s chair, sharing a small smile, maybe feeling warmth from the youngest one, holding onto his arm...  
Physically shaking the thought out of his head he made his way into his office. Sitting on his own side, the monitor before him showed the YouTube front page, recommending his own videos from years ago. A few collabs, a handful starring Aleks, he had to tell himself not to click. It would just make the guilt and hurt he felt worse.   
He wasn’t sure how long he had just sat there until a knock came from behind.  
“Uh, hey,” Aleks entered the office, sitting at his desk.  
James turned in time to watch his boyfriend nervously run a hand through his short hair. The tension was obvious, but James knew he was not going to be the one to cut it.  
“Can we talk now?” The younger man asked, voice softer.  
An immature response, but James couldn’t - didn’t want to talk yet. Especially when the boy in question was just a wall away. He just turned back to his monitor, now just showing a black screen. He felt he knew Aleks well, spending a lot of time together over the years. But sometimes it felt that Aleks knew him better, especially when he dropped the subject and James heard his keyboard begin clicking.   
He knew this wasn’t over, and James had things to say, but he was thankful Aleks was giving him time to get his thoughts in order.


	2. Smile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't know… hang out… you know...

 They still hadn’t spoken much over the past week. Aleks was giving James room, which he was grateful for, but he could see how it hurt his partner. Their recordings had been awkward, Joe had been asking questions, and Trevor had hardly left his editing room, always coming up with excuses not to leave. And Aleks, who kept looking at him with sad eyes, who kept opening his mouth trying to speak, but nothing came out.

 Why couldn’t James just say how he felt? Why did it feel so fucking hard for him to be honest? Aleks deserved honestly.

 It was late on the Friday night when James felt confident.

_ Hey, wanna come over?  _ He texted.

_ B right there.  _ Aleks replied in minutes.

 They hadn’t been in a room together alone since James made everything awkward. So when Aleks knocked on the door, and James saw him, bed hair, sweats hanging low on his small hips, he couldn’t help pulling the younger one in and crashing their lips together. Teeth and tongues explored and James could feel Aleks pushing him backwards, towards his bed.

 “Fuck,” James moaned as Aleks began kissing along his jaw. “I missed you.”

 Aleks lifted his head, looked into the older boys eyes, “I missed you too.” He replied then pushed James onto the mattress under them. Since when did they get in here?

 But before James could ask, Aleks was on top of him, knees on either side, kissing his neck again.

 James began trying to pull his boyfriends shirt off, showing off his pale stomach, when the words just slipped out. “Fucking - you can hang out with Trevor.”

 The younger one stopped mid action, t-shirt still covering his face, “wait, what?”

 “You can hang out with Trevor,” he repeated, firmer, still fighting to get the material off Aleks. This didn't need to be a moment, James didn't want this to be a moment. They were in the middle of something else. He just wanted to fuck his boyfriend.

 Aleks rolled himself off, away from James’ grabby hands and pulled back down his shirt. “What?”

 “Fuck,” James sighed, running his now empty hand down his face. This was going to be a moment. 

 “What do you mean?” Aleks asked, confusion clear on his face. His arms were now crossed over the very thing James wanted out of this bed.

 “You know I ain't good at this shit…” he started, frustration making his answer sound harsh. 

 “What do you mean 'hang out’?” Aleks tried again, voice noticeably softer.

 James looked down at the bedsheet, “I don't know… hang out… you know... whatever.” He really didn't want this to be a moment. He heard the bed squeak and a warm hand cup his cheek, moving his face eye level to his boyfriends.

 “What,” Aleks now whispered, “do you mean?”

 “Just,” James sighed, dropping his gaze back downwards, “if you wanna hang out, you can.” He couldn't form the words, they were on the tip of his tongue. The thoughts he had been stuck with this past week were running around his mind, but if he said them, everything would change.

 Aleks accepted that James was not going to talk. “Could I,” he whispered, slow, as if trying to find the right words, “go to a movie with him?”

 James nodded against his partners palm. He pictured the two boys, sharing popcorn, laughing at something on the screen. 

 “Could I,” the younger one continued calculated, “go to dinner with him?”

 Again James nodded. A candlelit dinner formed in his mind, them dressed in suits, looking at each other across the table.

 “Could I cuddle with him?”

 James’ eyes snapped up. Back to his boyfriends quizzical face, eyebrows knitted tightly, eyes searching for a clue. But again James nodded. They were on Aleks’ bed, Trevor holding the Russian around his stomach, spooning, smiling.

 Aleks’ face instantly lost all tension, forming a small smile. There was a short pause before, “could I kiss him?”

 James pictured Aleks turning around, face to face now with Trevor in his bed, them sharing a smile, leaning closer to each other...

 “Yes,” James replied whispering back. 

 The smile James saw now though, the one in his bed, was only for him. The younger boy looked elated, eyes crinkling, crooked teeth showing in the widest grin James had ever seen. He was beautiful.

 “Thank you,” Aleks replied softly. And again started leaving wet kisses along his boyfriends neck.

 James couldn't help the small laugh that left his mouth. 

 Aleks looked back up, “what’s so funny?”

 There was a sparkle in his eyes, James noticed. Something that first left a pang of jealousy, but was quickly washed over by love.

 “You’re just so beautiful.”

 “I love you.” Aleks sighed, lowering his face to connect their lips.

 “I love you too,” James easily replied after the kiss, “but can we get back to what we were doing?”

 Aleks’ laugh was loud as he quickly remove his shirt, throwing it off the bed.

 “Finally!” James yelled triumphantly, quickly placing his hands on Aleks’ bare hips.


	3. Let's Talk

It was quiet in his house. Ein was just resting against his leg as they watched whatever shit was on TV on a Saturday at 1am. James kept looking down at his phone, waiting for the notification, the text, the whatever that told him Aleks was okay. That Aleks had fun. That Aleks had fun with Trevor.

It was still weird to think about. And even more so to talk about. Especially when the person you're trying to talk to is James.

 

_ “So I asked Trevor out.” Aleks admitted in the car. They were driving from the house back to the Russians. _

_ James’ was surprised. They had only had the conversation like a week ago. This was quick. Maybe too quick for him. His hands gripped harder on the wheel, and no words came out. Why wouldn’t words come out? _

_ “That was okay, right?” Aleks asked, slight panic in his tone. He moved in his seat, sitting up closer to his boyfriend. _

_ James found it in himself to clear his throat several times. “Uh, yeah,” he finally manages, after a moment, “it’s just, um, soon?” His voice sounded hoarse, not sure of himself. _

_ “Oh,” Aleks replied, relaxing slightly, now looking forward as well, “well I can call it off-” _

_ “When?” The word sounds harsh out of James’ mouth now. He didn't mean it though, it’s all just… new. _

_ Aleks ran a hand through his hair, “This weekend?”  _

_ Everything seems to be a question between the boys, and James can feel the awkwardness he caused.  Neither boy making eye contact, knowing what to say. “Okay.” _

_ “Okay?” Aleks asked again, turning back to face his boyfriend. They’ve arrived at his house, and they both know Aleks won’t leave without an answer. _

_ “Okay,” James replied, looking in his boyfriends worried eyes, smiling. _

 

The memory had played through his head countless times all week, and James still doesn’t know how he could look so chill with it. Just one look at Aleks, and it felt like everything was okay. He could look into the younger boys eyes during the end of the world, and he would feel his heart rate lower and a smile on his face.

One look at Aleks this week, and you could tell something was different. He was happier, smiling, laughing, playing with the dogs outside. Trevor was also happier, but things were still tense between him and James. The youngest boy in this mess didn’t know how to move around the situation, and James couldn’t blame him really. He didn’t know either.

But that was a conversation he did not want to have. It was enough of a struggle to talk to Aleks, someone he has known for years, about this. Trevor had only been around for a few months. He hoped Aleks could do that for him tonight.

Thinking about the younger boy, he checked his phone again, but there was still nothing from him. The thought of calling Trevor had run through his mind several times, hoping nothing serious had happened. But that would involve talking to Trevor. He had also thought about calling the man himself. But would that make him look jealous? Angry? He didn’t know. It was easier to just wait.

James must have fell asleep because the next thing he knew he was being woken up by knocking at his door.

“Jamessss,” a familiar voice called softly.

At least Aleks had the decency to be quiet. After stretching and waking poor Ein up, James made his way to let his boyfriend in. “Dude, what time is it?”

“I don’t know, like 2?” Aleks answered after walking in, giving a peck to James cheek.

“And why aren’t you home?” James asked, watching the younger boy make his way to the kitchen.

The fridge door slammed shut, “ because I wanted to see you.” Aleks made his way back into James’ sight and sat on the couch, water in hand.

The older man sat down next to him, quizzically looking at Aleks.

“What?” Aleks looked back, fingers playing with the bottles label.

James raised his eyebrows. The didn’t need words. James knew that Aleks knew he wanted to talk. Why else was he here at 2am Sunday morning after being with another man.

The younger man looked away, “Okay fine. Let’s talk.” He placed the water on the table.

James looked away too, these conversations were not getting easier.

“I had fun with Trevor,” Aleks began, voice small, “it was awkward, like awkward as fuck. But also fun. We talked for so long about so much.”

James looked back to Aleks, smiling at his smile. Happy that he was happy.

“But,” Aleks continued louder, now looking back at James, “you have to talk to him. He feels awkward about it because of you.”

A loud sigh came from the older man.

“I know,” Aleks placed his hand on James thigh, “I know it’s weird and kind of fucked up. And I’m sorry about it but-”

James placed a hand on top of his boyfriends quieting him, watching their fingers become intertwined, “but it was fun?”

Aleks smiled, the smile that makes his eyes crinkle and makes James’ heart skip a beat. “Yeah, he’s just really funny and awkward and he’s really smart and,”

James let his boyfriend talk about the other man for an hour, watching his smile widen when he remembered something funny. Talking about what they discussed. Replaying their dinner date, how Trevor didn’t know how to order food. But all James could focus on was how happy Aleks was. And really if Aleks wanted to hang out with Trevor sometimes, it really wasn’t a big deal if James got to see this version of his boyfriend more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol sorry its been forever and a half wasn't feeling it for a bit but guess its back??


End file.
